They walk among us!

A CHAPTER OF "THEY WALK AMONG US AND REPRODUCE!!

Actual call center conversations!

Customer:  I've been calling 0700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'

Operator:   'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer:  'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator:   'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Samsung Electronics

Caller:        'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator:   'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller:        'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator:   'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

RAC Motoring Services

Caller:        'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in  Australia ?'

Operator:   'Does the policy name give you a clue?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in  Europe )

'If I register my car in  France , and then take it to  England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Directory Enquiries

Caller:        'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'

Operator:   'I'm sorry, there's no listing.  Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'

Caller:        'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator:   'Woven?  Are you sure?'

Caller:        'Yes.  That's what it says on the label -- Woven in  Scotland .'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support:     'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

Customer:            'OK.'

Tech Support:     'Did you get a pop-up menu?'

Customer:            'No.'

Tech Support:     'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer:           'No.'

Tech Support:     'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'

Customer:           'Sure..  You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support:     'OK.  At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer:           'Wow!  How can you see my screen from there?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller:      'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.  So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time.  I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.  This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.  Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!)

Operator:   'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller:        'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'

Operator:   'What sort of trouble?'

Caller:        'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator:   'Went away?'

Caller:        'They disappeared'

Operator:   'Hmm.  So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller:        'Nothing.'

Operator:   'Nothing??'

Caller:        'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator:   'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

Caller:        'How do I tell?'

Operator:   'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'

Caller:        'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator:   'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller:        'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator:   'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'

Caller:        'What's a monitor?'

Operator:   'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.  Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller:        'I don't know.'

Operator:   'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.  Can you see that?'

Caller:        'Yes, I think so.'

Operator:   'Great.  Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller:        'Yes, it is.'

Operator:   'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?'

Caller:        'No.'

Operator:   'Well, there are.  I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller:        'Okay, here it is.'

Operator:   'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller:        'I can't reach.'

Operator:   'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller:        'No.'

Operator:   'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'

Caller:        'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'

Operator:   'Dark?'

Caller:        'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'

Operator:   'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller:        'I can't.'

Operator:   'No?  Why not?'

Caller:        'Because there's a power failure..'

Operator:   'A power .... A power failure?  Aha.  Okay, we've got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller:        'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator:   'Good.  Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.  Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller:        'Really?  Is it that bad?'

Operator:   Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller:        'Well, all right then, I suppose.  What do I tell them?'

Operator:   'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'